It was a cold, quiet morning outside the town of Puxsutawney, when two Dutch men walked up the hill.
“Goedemorgen! Het is koud en Nederland!” the first man said.
Oops…sorry, my mistake. That should be two Pennsylvannia Dutch men.
“Goedemorgen! Het is koud en Pennsylvania!” the first man said.
Pennsylvania Dutch means German-American immigrant, you fool.
“Well, you should be more clear then. I’m not a mind reader.” the first man said.
“Who in the world are you talking to?” the second man asked.
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you. What are we doing out here anyway?” the first man asked.
“We’re out here to find out how much longer it will be before things get warmer.” the second man said.
“How are we going to do that?” the first man asked.
“Simple. I’m just going to consult my book on old world German superstitions.” the second man said.
He proceeded to take an old leather-bound book out of his bag. The pages had just started to turn yellow, and there was a faint smell of musk as he flipped through the pages.
“Okay, here we are. It says here that if a badger is frightened by its own shadow and goes back into its hole, then there will be six more weeks of cold weather.” the second man said.
“Why a badger?” the first man asked.
The second man leafed through the book. “It doesn’t say.”
The two men looked around.
“I don’t think we have any badgers around here.” the first man said.
“I think you’re right.” the second man said.
The second man skimmed through the book.
“The guide says that we can use another burrowing critter if there are no badgers.” the second man said.
“Like a wombat?” the first man asked.
“Why would you want to use a wombat?” the second man asked.
“Because it’s fun to say! Go on, try it.” the first man said.
“Look, we can’t…” the second man started.
“Wombat!” the first man stated.
The second man smacked the first man upside his head.
“We can’t use wombats! They live in Australia.” the second man said.
“Should we even know what Australia is yet?” the first man asked.
“Shush!” the second man said.
“Well, what about using those…what do you call them? Ground swine?” the first man asked.
“You mean groundhogs. Yeah, that could work.” the second man said.
The two men looked around, and eventually saw a groundhog hole.
“There’s a groundhog hole. We’ll just watch it until a groundhog comes out.” the second man said.
The two men sat on the hill for hours, waiting for a groundhog to pop out. Finally, a small groundhog came out.
“There, I see it!” the first man said.
“Not so loud, you dunce! What’s it doing?” the second man asked.
“It’s looking around.” the first man said.
“Go on.” the second man said.
“It looks like its sniffing around for something.” the first man said.
“Yes? And?” the second man said.
“And now it is…” the first man said before stopping.
“Well, what is it doing now?” the second man asked.
“I’m going to need you to check something in the book.” the first man said.
“What’s that?” the second man asked.
“What does it mean when the groundhog shoots itself?” the first man asked.
***
Hey everyone! I know, Groundhog’s Day was a week ago, but I didn’t have time to post this story last week. Hopefully the next Holiday-themed story will posted on the actual holiday it takes place on.
Think Inkelaar 