Brian woke up that morning to find that his bedroom was in perfect order. This always made him nervous, because he knew that the only time that his room was ever this clean was when someone had been going through it. He cautiously made his way out of bed, making sure to check that there was nothing on the floor before stepping out. Finding that there was nothing dangerous on the floor, he walked over to the bathroom.
When he got there, he saw what would undoubtedly turn out to be the most obvious trap of the day. The seat on his toilet had been replaced with a bear trap. Clearly this trap was meant to catch Brian when he was still too sleepy to pay too much attention to his surroundings. He couldn’t find any obvious means of disarming this trap, so he simply elected to not use the toilet for the time being.
He checked the shower over twice before deeming that it was safe, and proceeded to take his morning shower. He sniffed each bottle of shampoo, conditioner, and soap before using them. He had only ever forgotten to check that once, and he still remembered how painful the rashes were.
Brian stepped out of the shower and dried himself. He thought about shaving, but decided against it. There were too many things in his shaving kit that could have been compromised. As he looked at himself in the mirror, he thought to himself that he actually liked how his beard was coming in.
He went back to his bedroom to pick out his clothes for the day. After finding a good pair of scissors, he opened each drawer of his dresser slightly and snipped the wires that were connected to the other side of the drawer handles. When he had more time, he would have to check to see what diabolical device the wires had been attached to. For the time being, he was happy enough to find some socks, a shirt, jeans, and underwear that were suitable to wear in public.
After dressing himself for the day, Brian went downstairs to the kitchen. He thought about cooking some breakfast, before remembering that he had thrown out all the food in the house the night before. He could tell by the strange odor that it had all been tampered with. He would have to talk his carpool into picking something up on the way to work.
He had a bit of time before his carpool arrived, so Brian went to the living room. He carefully inspected the television for a few minutes. He couldn’t see any signs of a bomb or other traps on it, but then he remembered that he didn’t see any the last time either. He decided he wouldn’t risk it, and grabbed a book from the bookshelf. He had almost pulled the book free from the shelf, when he noticed a string attached to the book. The string led to the top of the bookcase, where a fully loaded shotgun was cleverly concealed. Brian carefully eased the book back to where it had been before.
After studying the sofa and finding that it was safe, Brian sat down and waited. In time, he heard a car horn blaring in his driveway. He rushed to the door, but stopped himself from just opening the door right away. He eyed the door carefully, and then ever-so-slightly opened the door. As soon as he did so, a huge blade came crashing down. Brian had just barely avoided losing any fingers or toes.
Brian rushed out of his house and into the waiting car. He fastened his seat belt and composed himself before closing the car door.
“I see you still have that mouse problem.” the driver said.
“Yeah. One of these days, I’m going to have to figure out how they’re setting up all those traps.” Brian replied.